Reborn as Enji Fucking Todoroki!
by CoffeeAndWaifu's
Summary: Rated T for language as obviously seen in the title of this weird ass story. Humor, Parody, its all crack... most of the time. Includes Bishounen Enji, sassy Enji, terrible puns, and language, lots of bad language.
1. Chapter 1

I opened my eyes to see a dark haired Asian woman holding me in her arms, something that alarmed me immensely seeing that I was a fully grown ass man. She looked exhausted, or at least she appeared to be with my blurry eyes and all that. She seemed to stare at me and then started to speak in bloody Japanese. Bloody Japanese! Do you know how hard it is to learn to write in Japanese?! It has three different systems, each with a different way to write it! Four including the romaji (english) way… and apparently I had been born once again, robbing me of my chance to meet my friends and family in the afterlife. Not that I really cared, being apathetic and not caring when it came to other people, tiring myself out when I tried. Sure emotions such as anger and annoyance came to me easily, while other things that made people happy didn't affect me as much. Putting up an act around most people was tiring and trying to be seen as a nice and quiet person was annoying no matter how much it would help later in life. . Maybe that's why I decided to end my life, sooner than later. Hiding away my _quirky_ (get it?) self was more out of embarrassment though. But this is a new life, so… YOLT- you only live twice!

* * *

_**Anyway**_, falling asleep easily, my new mother? picked me up and took me home, not that I noticed much seeing as I blacked out most of the time for the next couple years until I was four, my new baby instincts overpowering my older and mature mind, until I got my quirk.  
Yes, that's right, my quirk. Seeing as though the only manga and anime I had heard of and read or seen with "quirks" was My Hero Academia- Boku no Hero Academia in Japanese- I realized I was in a fictional world though I didn't care as long as I wasn't a major character in the upcoming conflict depending on where in the storyline I was born in.

The minute my parents saw me on fire, they took me to the doctors. Apparently, my mother was quirkless so they were worried about how it would affect me.  
Since the years before I got my quirk were hazy, due to the baby side taking over, I never truly learned my name until the day we went to register my quirk. And do you know what? I was Enji-fucking-Todoroki! With the same quirk Hellfire, it was sure to be a _hell_ raising experience! (-Get it? _Hell_fire, _hell_ raising? No? umm… moving on…please excuse this unscheduled pun-) BTW, guess WHAT? (what?) During my quirk examination, I saw Midoriya Izuku! HAHAHahahahahha… Fuck this shite I'm out.

* * *

A few days later after ignoring Izuku (_no matter how fucking cute he was)_ I ran into him again at the park where Katuski was bullying Izuku for the first official time!

Plot strikes once again! I'm guessing they want me to help him and form a meaningful relationship so I would become a hero and save everyone with my future knowledge and yada yada yada. Hell Naw! I'm staying out of _that_ shithole of a plot. Right when I thought that, I'm assuming (don't make an ass out of you and me- wait, actually that's fine, 'cause I would be one hot bun! Get it? Hot because of fire? Huh? Huh? … Too much?..._yeah prob-_ no one asked for your opinion bub) Kami or some shitty higher up got bored of me rebelling and force walked me over to them where I punched Katsuki in the face with my baby ass strength.

"Stop bullying this baby cinnamon roll, Katsuki-chan," I drawled out bored and sick of this already.

Katsuki didn't seem to take being called -chan very well and started spewing curse words like a fucking sailor, scowling with all the force his baby fat face could muster.

"Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do, you shitty extra!"

I have to admit, I thought I was ready for the baby insults that would eventually come my way, but I had underestimated my anger at being called an "extra". Not that I cared too much, but it was a lot more anger than I had anticipated. I was expecting 0.0000001% anger or annoyance, instead I felt (OVER 9,000! percent) 0.000000**2**% anger! Congrats Katsuki! You've earned a prize!... _My Fist. _

After punching Katsuki and inevitably getting scolded, I turned to Izuku. "See you later cinnamon roll-san. It was nice meeting you."

With that, I tried to walk away like the badass I was. Keyword, _tried._ I looked back to see Baby Cinnamon Roll (BCR) grabbing onto my shirt.

"A-ano, p-pwease w-w-wait a second! I, u-um wanted to-to thank y-you for-" I cut him off. "BCR, you have nothing to thank me for." I smile, or I try to anyway. "it's common sense to step in when someone bullies another person. How else could you be a hero if you don't even do that?"

Vaguely I hear him mumble, "Who's BCR?" How precious, I must preserve his innocence! Class 1-A will definitely help me with this when we get into UA. Wait we? When did I decide to be a hero? Who cares? I wanna be the very best (that no one ever was~?) hero ever! Ya right. Still anything to be near my new _obsession- *ahem_* I mean "friend".

* * *

So time skip years later with me still being friends with Izuku and sort of bonding with Katsuki and we were on our way applying for UA. Over the past decade-we so old now- I was like the glue holding Katsuki and Izuku from getting to far apart, so it was a lot better than in canon.

Sure, Katsuki still screamed and cursed a lot but he never called me or Izuku worthless or extras. And Izuku still got his quirk almost a year before the application to UA like canon.

As for me?

I found out that I WAS related to Shouto and Endeavor through my mother's side. Enji was her brother or cousin or sister (ha!) or some shit, but he never acknowledged her after he became a hero and became obsessed with being the #1 hero. She named me after that lame excuse for a/an parent (organism) so he would talk to her or something. How sad. She took dad's last name and made me keep her last name so if I ever became a hero, people would know I was related to the #2 hero (and the future pro-hero Shouto).

I'm not close to my parents at all if you can tell. I trained a lot and slept over at Izuku and Katsuki's house a lot, more often than not to get out of my stuffy house for a bit. Oh, and I legally changed my name to Enji Fucking Todoroki, so if anyone asked for my name, that's what I would say. Also, I grew up, or am growing up, to be a bishounen version of Endeavor if anyone was wondering. And yes, I am very vain about my appearance, though I'm gay as fuck. **_(A/N: What the fuck happened to the strike-through option?!)_**

Instead of listening to everything I said, this is what we did over the past decade if you got bored: Izuku and Katsuki are buddies yada yada yada… I am related to Endeavor and Shouto blah blah blah… Izuku has a quirk yay and it's UA entrance exam time right about

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NOW!


	2. Chapter 2

"Yo yo yo, what's up Izukkun?"

Izuku visibly perked up. "Oh hey, Kicchan _(Yes, it's utterly similar to Kacchan's nickname. But no one claimed we were creative. By we, I mean me- cause I was the one who suggested the nickname in the first place. And NO, I'm totally not jealous of Kacchan!)_ ! Can you believe we're going to UA. I mean, like the number one hero school, the very one All Might went to- Oh no, what if I don't pass, maybe Kacchan was right, I shouldn't take the exam, I'm not ready but All-ahem Yagi-san said I was ready. I can't let Yagi-san down but what about the quirk part of the testing. That is assuming there will be a physical test determining the potential of our quirks...What about the people with the passive quirks? I wonder how they will be graded…"

What I heard:

"mumble mumble mumble. Kacchan! Mumble mumble mumble. Quirks. Mumble mumble mumble…"

"You'll be great Izukkun! I believe in you!" … is what I wanted to say. Back in REALITY however...an apathetic stare, peering into Izukkun's poor soul. With a little "eep!" Izuku startles out of his little mumbling session.

"A-ah! Kicchan! We're going to be LAAATTtttteee!"

Izukkun was so silly. Did he forget he woke up and hour early just for this reason? And make me get up at this ungodly time of fucking day because he was nervous? All the while waking up Kacchan as well with his nervous stuttering yell that probably woke up half the neighborhood? At least Kacchan won't be mad at me hahaha.

"Shut the Fuck up Deku. Why did you wake me up so goddamn early?" Kacchan grouched, coming up from behind dressed in uniform like usual, covering up an incoming yawn.

"Gah- Sorry Kacchan! It's just so exciting. I mean, can't you believe it? The number one hero school, and we're all applying for it! What are the odds of us getting in? Though technically speaking-" Izukkun trailed off, as he started mumbling up a storm again.

I glanced at Kacchan. _'Really? I just got him to stop Kacchan.'_ Kacchan rolled his eyes. _'Shut up Flames-for-Brains. Not my fault you can't handle him.' 'As if **you** can.'_ We glared at each other, sparks shooting out of our eyes. Izukkun seemed to notice the tension and closed his mouth quickly before impulsively grabbing both of our arms and dragging us in the direction of the school.

_'Gusty Izukkun, very gusty. You do realize Kacchan will kill you for this, right?'_ And as if he could read my mind, Izukkun dropped our arms and bolted ahead.

"Come back here DEKU!" Kacchan screamed before sprinting after Izukkun like his life depended on it.

Though it probably did -for Izukkun anyway. I merely smiled and walked, just keeping them in my sight, as if it were normal. To me it was anyway.

It was not long agree that, that we reached the UA gates. Izukkun was nervous and kept on mumbling during the welcome ceremony which caused the Ingenium-clone-with-glasses to reprimand him instead of Kacchan, who merely scoffed. We got separated into different battle simulation cities making Izukkun cry a bit.

I started my way over to where my battle simulation test area was and looked over at my competition. I didn't recognize anyone, or maybe it's my shitty memory. Weirdly enough or not, I did recognize the 18+ hero Midnight (what was her real name again?) -but I'm not sure if that's because of my previous memories, or because of Izukkun the fanboy.

She seemed to do a double take when she saw me, the face she made was hilarious. Awww, now I really want to troll everyone by acting like Endeavor did when he was a student. A smirk overtook my face at that thought. That will be my goal this year, I thought to myself.

**To troll the hell out of everyone, including my namesake.**

Mwahahahahahahahahahahaaha..ha...ha...ha- _ack_! phew that was tiring. I don't know how villains can do that every day.

All the while I was laughing maniacally in my head, Midnight was explaining the rules that I was totally not paying attention to.

"START!"

"Dammit! I'm so far behind! I knew I should have payed attention! Not that I would have, but still." I cursed under my breath, seeing all the other applicants having a head start.

Luck was on my side for once, when I immediately saw a 3 point robot heading towards me. Sorry Kacchan, I'm going to have to steal your catchphrase.

"Die!" I screamed, a maniac gleam in my eyes as the robot blasted into burning pieces of metal. With that great start, the rest of the exam was a piece of (_hot_)cakes (hehehe (¬‿¬)) , tearing through the hunks of metal with ease.

The rush of adrenaline flowed through my veins, with every downed bot, growing stronger and stronger. The pure rush of freedom to use my quirk slowly started to haze my mind when a scream pierced through my glee. I glanced over to where the scream came from.

And there it stood in all its glory, the Zero-Point Bot, about to smash onto some of the wannabe hero students. Of course I had half the mind to ignore the kids -

_(they were aiming to be heroes)_

_(if they can't stand up to this without screaming in panic then obviously they would have no chance in the field)_

_( the real world would suck them up and spit them right out again)_

_(like it did with me and)_

_( ... but he swam while I-we-him sank)_

-then the stupid thing called a conscience - that suspiciously sounded like Izukkun's voice- had to speak up and at that point I had no choice or to be faced with Izukkun's disappointed face _(it was almost as potent as Tsunayoshi's...- wait who?-)_ once he learned of the incident and found out I did nothing to help.

Without a slight pause of hesitation in my steps, I attacked the Zero-point robot at Zero point (-get it? Hahaha-) blank range of my quirk with the same catchphrase ("DIE!") and excited gleam in my eyes.

_(In another test city, a blond haired boy with an explosive quirk is doing the same thing- Later, when the teachers are reviewing their potential students wonder, "Are they siblings or something or other? They've got to be related"- actually, no, no they aren't.)_ -The world shudders at the thought.

Holding all these quirks are hard enough, at least there aren't twins with the same one, but having two battle maniacs geniuses actually related would kill them with stress.

They briefly think about their sister earths in the parallel dimensions and give a slight wince (somewhere in America, California experiences another 5.0 earthquake) of sympathy at the thought.

They're actually glad they don't hold ninjas of all people (Sister Earth #50572037 isn't looking too well with the arrival of a new God(dess) at this point) and heroes aren't a bad choice (Seeing as though Brother Earth #26294729 was probably unhinged at this point with the Marshmallow taking over and the Tuna losing. They always did wonder how a Tuna could be a main character- but come to think of it, on Sister Earth #0189274 a clownFish was one as well-).

So really they got the best one- not biased! Besides, they think, they could always wipe out the humans and have peace on their surface if they truly wished.

...Nah… these peasants were too interesting to kill off. If need be, they could try to manipulate a war with resources like before.


	3. Chapter 3

I paced back and forth in my living room (my own house!), half out of my mind with worry and anticipation, as I waited for the results of the UA exam to arrive. Recently, a couple months before the exam, I decided to move out of the stuffy place that was not- _my- _home and got a place of my own. It is pretty big for someone living alone but I didn't mind as long as Izukkun and Kacchan visit a lot like they do now. Getting a part time job at a fancy company had its perks; It paid well and I didn't have to see the old hag, and I don't say that in the fond way Kacchan does with his mom. I could practically hear them fighting about the results right now.

"What did you say, you ungrateful brat!"

"I said, shut the fuck up, hag! Do you need a hearing aid now granny?"

"Why you-!"

Actually, I think it's them shouting in the background in this quiet neighborhood. Both of my best friends take after their moms, don't they. Don't answer that, it was rhetorical (_obviously_, duh). Before I could wear more holes into my new carpet, I heard the mail slip under the door. I hastily searched through my mail before stopping at the envelope with the very conspicuous UA emblem. Still feeling very nervous, I tried Izukkun's very own signature All Might laugh, 100% certain to cleanse all your worries away!

Great, now I sound like a product commercial. "NEVER FEAR! FOR I AM HERE! Hohoho!" A few seconds later, sees me in the corner, rocking back and forth in shame. I could just feel the second hand cringe coming from my non-existent audience. And since when did All Might sound like knock off Santa Claus?

"Greetings young Todoroki! It was quite a surprise for us to get your application!"

Yeah, probably because I'm not supposed to be here in the first place, duh. Continuing on and unintentionally interrupting me, All Might continued. "Congratulations! You ranked 1st place with 68 villain points and 10 rescue points! Welcome to UA, young hero!" I couldn't believe it, how in the world did I make it? (_for the sake of the plot dummy_).

My next thought was 'oh no, what the hell have I done to canon' and 'Kacchan is going to kill me.' Didn't he get like 70 something points? And first place to boot? I snickered. He probably didn't rescue anyone if there were rescue points involved. Typical Kacchan. With my spot in UA secured, I immediately went to bed and fell asleep the second my head touched the pillow without bothering to eat lunch and I ended up sleeping through the whole day until I woke up the next morning.

* * *

With a week to the first day of school, all three of us were busy prepping. Unfortunately, this meant that we couldn't meet up with each other and talk. Izukkun was off the grid for some reason,cough All Might, like he had been for the last ten months, but Kacchan and I managed to text a bit before we went to bed.

_Hey Katsu. U rdy 4 tmw _

**_Hell yeah flame head  
__U know it_**

_Wut pro teach do u think gonna be ours_

**_Proper grammar nerd _**

_Who da nerd now bro_

**_SHUT UP  
__AHSJDLWLEIJFFHSOCNFNJWOSKFJW  
__and I don't care _**

_As long as their string ik ik  
__String*  
__Strong**_

**_I'm going to bed  
__Later loser_**

_Gn bastard _

I sighed as I turned in bed, phone dangling from my hand, dangerously close to slipping onto the floor. What the hell am I doing here in the first place anyway?

* * *

I woke up to the incessant ringing of my phone alarm. I groaned, ridiculously tired for someone who did nothing the whole week. I quickly ate breakfast and raced to the station after checking the time. I rode the train, quietly for once, and arrived with plenty of time to spare. I yawned as I strolled up to the door of Class 1-A. I jerked to a stop as a thought raced through my head. Why not give an exciting entrance?

With a smirk, I kicked the enormous doors opened as I yelled, "What's up buttercup!" Sadly, only a few people were in class, some of them who immediately looked up at my yell. One kid with yellow hair with black lightning bolts looked up at my shout before grinning and yelling back, "Doin' fine, Clementine!" and bursting into giggles. Hah! That was so old I didn't think anyone would know that. I was about to walk over to that kid, Kami-something if I remember right, when Katsuki burst into my personal bubble, like literally burst in with explosions (pun intended though).

"How the heck did you get first place flamehead? And don't give me that bullshit about luck, you know it wasn't!" I stared, gobsmacked at Katsuki.

"How did you even know I got first place?" I asked the minute I found my voice. He scoffed, he fucking _scoffed_, as if it were obvious. "I wouldn't let just anyone beat ME brainless. And you're the only other one who could even come close to. I was second place after all."

Pretty shaky logic, but logic all the same from the hotheaded Katsudon. "And I'm not a fucking Katsudon you bastard! I can practically hear you calling me that in your mind!" Call your friend Katsudon once, and look at how he treats you. "And stop sulking!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever. I got 78 points Katsu." I glanced over at Katsuki who had turned red with rage. I thought he was going to blow up at me, but surprisingly he turned away and started to mutter like Izukkun. "One point, just one fucking POINT!" he roared. He ripped his chair out and slammed down on it.

O_kay, _not going to mess with that, at least, not until Izukkun gets here. I'm not that good of a friend to avert all of Katsu's rage onto myself, sorry Izukkun.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is my first official author's note for this story. (I think). So... hi? Uh, do I seem unsociable or something? (I'm just really shy, I promise I don't bite! _It's more likely you guys will bite tbh.)_**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! (there is something of a more "edited" version on AO3, Archive of our own, if you guys want to check it out. It has the same name.)**

**Guest Reviewer (Raven claw): Thank you for reviewing! I love putting in references to other games, anime, cartoons, etc. It makes me feel giddy that other people know them as well :). As for the chapter with Katsuki and Enji screaming at each other, I might put it into an omake if you would like, though writing it may take a bit longer. **

**Enjoy this chapter (and story) minna-san! **

* * *

Okay, was it just me, or did Izukkun come in with a girlfriend?! Thanks a lot Izukkun, now Katsuki will be at the very _least, _100x more unbearable than usual. And here I was hoping that you would help cheer him up instead, my bad. Though, hot damn, making moves on a girl already. You gonna make me cry bby boi. Now move along people, moments over, especially since I got emotion-blocked (kinda like cock-blocked without the erec-) by-

well, _hello handsome~ how are you doing today. Fine? _Very fine indeed. Hottie alert at 3, I repeat, hottie alert at 3. Stare at me all you want, cause damn you're fine.

Just kidding, it was killing intent instead HAHahaha…..yeah okay that's not something to make fun of, got it.

I turned around slightly, just enough to take a peek at whoever was glaring holes into my head without it being too obvi. Wait just a fucking minute, was that _Shouto _glaring at me? What did I do besides looking like his fa-...oh. Double oh. Triple oh. OMFG Big E was an abusive piece of shit wasn't he. And there was a redemption arc or some shit? Dude, that just means he's such a crappy person that even the author needed to do something to make him better. Really mom? You wanted me to be like Big E? No thanks, I'll just yeet myself outta here thank you very much.

"It took all of you 8 seconds to quiet down. Go somewhere else if you want to play at being friends." RIP random juice bag. "This is the hero course. I'm Aizawa (shut your fucking mouths) Shouta, your homeroom teacher. Go and dress into your pe outfits."

"What about the opening ceremony?" one random kid asked, or was it the Kami-something guy?

Our new teach, just stared at us, making half of us bolt into the changing rooms. In less than 10 seconds, we were all lined up in perfect military order. Such good little soldiers. Ah, I wish I was born a bit older, think about all the cute little minions I could have had! .｡*ﾟ+.*.｡(❁´◡`❁)｡.｡:+* In my next life, please let me have tiny, adorable minions! Alright Kami-sama?

"Next"

Huh? Is it my turn already? Aizawa-sensei glared at me, piercing through my soul. Okay okay geez, I'll pay attention now. After Aizawa-sensei stared at me really hard with his narrowed eyes (_that's the definition of glared dumbass!_ Actually glared is the past tense of glare which means _verb 1._ stare in an angry or fierce way. 2.–) I tried my best on all of the tests he gave us.

Running? 4.01 seconds.

Grip strength test? 70 Kg.

Standing long jump? Cleared it (like a bawse).

Repeated side jumps? Meh, average.

The pitch? The ball throw test? Whatever you call it? Getting to it right now.

* * *

"Next"

Alright! It's my turn. Flames engulfed the ball as I threw it with All (my) Might. "800 meters exactly."

"Wow!"

"He's been getting really high scores on all the tests."

"He beat that blasty boy- Bakugo Katsuki was it?"

"T-that's amazing Kicchan!"

"..."

I smirked. I know I'm cool (and really hot). No need to keep on praising me. (No actually, keep it up future sidekicks.)

"What the hell!" Katsuki back at it again. Wait, that yell wasn't aimed at me. Izukkun was cringing away from Katsud- A large explosion was set off right next to my head. Geez no Katsudon for Katsuki then. Izukkun was cringing away from _Katsuki _as he (Katsuki) raged about how he (Izukkun) had no quirks. What the heck Katsuki? I thought I trained you out of this pettiness a long time ago. Too bad it seems to have gotten worse.

Aizawa-senei sent out his capture scarf to trap Katsuki that spoilsport. It's always so fun to see Katsuki and Izukkun play fighting with each other, it sounds so realistic all the time.(❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* I tuned out the rest of Aizawa-sensei's speech and only looked up when he posted our class rankings. Number 1 was a girl named Momo Yaoyorozu (Peach girl!). 2 was obviously Shouto (Badass) Todoroki. I was in third place and Katsuki(don) was in fourth place. Izukkun (the baby cinnamon roll who I should lock away forever in a tall abandoned tower so no one could taint him-) landed in last place and his face was as pale as snow for whatever reason.

"I lied. The expulsion was just a logical ruse."

Aa? Expelled? The peach girl (momo something?) nodded her head along with Aizawa's explanation. "That was obviously-" blah blah blah. Fool! That Aizawa dude doesn't seem like a person who jokes around like that, you foolish fools. Achtung baby!

Hold on a second… it's the hero course… hero course... hero course- damn it! I have to change my hero costume right now- I just submitted a random generic piece that suspiciously looks a lot like Endeavor's hero costume! Which I am totally not a fan of. It's like Endeavor just modified his costume patterns a bit and said yeah that's good. Ugh, how could he bear to go out wearing something so… unflattering on him.

Aizawa I understand- he's an underground hero and the scarf + goggles makes it look chic. If he could stop slouching that is. Aizawa would have been a real pretty boy if he got rid of that stubble and stopped looking so tired all the time. *Sigh* If only I were born in that generation...

* * *

The minute Aizawa dismissed our class, I strolled to where the Support Class was located according to the school map or something. Within minutes I arrived at a large door emitting suspicious looking smoke. Should I come back tomorrow?

"…."

No! That would be too late to change my awful costume (though even now it was pretty unlikely they would change it). Walking into the classroom or laboratory like I owned it, I quickly saw a girl with pink hair. Sakura? Is this a crossover of some shit? Naw, she's too useless to be of any help.

"Ahem," I coughed, trying to get that girl's attention. She didn't pay attention to me at all, how could she? I'm one of THE hottest guys around and you know I'm _smoking _baby. No I don't mean I smoke, like cigarettes, I mean I'm so good looking you can't help but steam- in jealousy and thirst. Oho ho ho I'm sexy and I know it.

I was lost in thought, a bit too much it seems, because I couldn't even hear the footsteps that were coming closer... and closer… and closer...


End file.
